Depression, self-hatred, underachieving in academics, career, and life in general, is becoming an epidemic among men all over the developed world and especially in the united states.
At the core of the problem is lack of purpose and meaning to our lives. We have no mission to dedicate our lives to anymore.
In the past, simply surviving and providing for a family was enough of a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Previous generations had greatness thrust upon them.
Our grandparents endured depressions, massive social injustices and worldwide conflicts against tyrannical enemies.
All these things were terrible but they provided meaning and purpose to many men’s lives.
The fact that our modern life is so peaceful and filled with abundance and ease should mean we are happy all the time right?
Well, obviously not!
Or perhaps it depends.
Most of us men these days feel that we didn’t receive a whole lot of guidance about what being a man is really about.
This lack of positive male mentorship and a life of relative ease and prosperity leaves us without a cause or struggle to give us meaning.
This is why many of us wake up board yet anxious, angry at the world, aimless and self-loathing.
On the positive side, living today gives us infinite options and essentially we get to choose what great cause to dedicate ourselves to.
But choosing a “cause” that will give us meaning and purpose is not always an obvious choice and brings about even more anxiety, frustration, and inaction.
Without purpose, you have no motivation or destination to strive towards so you get lazy, complacent and constantly think to yourself “why bother” when considering striving in a new direction.
Then you start to hate yourself because you feel weak, you feel lazy, you feel like a loser because you can’t seem to choose a direction or succeed at anything.
It’s no wonder so many men commit suicide, hate their jobs, get divorced, go broke, abuse drugs and/or alcohol, and generally live up to only a small fraction of their true potential.
Listen to this short video from dr. Jordan Peterson to begin to wrap your head around this.
life is hard and a man needs a purpose that makes all the inevitable hardships worth enduring or you get depressed, slip into nihilism or worse suicidality.
As Dr. Peterson talks about, we need responsibility, we need a direction to go in, we need to acquire useful skills.
We have a deep seeded need to be useful to our family and society as a whole.
How does one “find their passion”?
How do you find a great cause or compelling future to work towards?
We’ve all heard the usual woo woo bullshit advice.
It all sounds great but 99 times out of 100, this advice leaves you more lost, more indecisive and slipping back into inaction and depression.
But what do real high achieving men do who find meaning and fulfillment in life?
How do the men we admire get to the point in their lives where they are happy, make good money, have great relationships and respect from their communities?
It’s not by “following their passion” or “finding themselves” or any of that new age bullshit.
How to Overcome Depression,
Kick-Ass in Life
and Like Yourself Again
First off, following your passion is ridiculous advice because most men-especially young men- don’t know what that is.
It’s easy to waste years of our lives “finding ourselves” and not taking action and moving forward with this mentality!
The “secret” is to move forward all the time-forward momentum is what makes life fun and meaningful.
Stop treating every decision like its for the rest of your life, its not, the world moves too fast these days, you couldn’t do the same thing forever even if you wanted to so stop hesitating and jump in on a new opportunity!
Taking action towards a goal, even if it’s not the greatest end all be all goal of your entire life.
Taking action allows you to learn new skills, to build your network and perhaps find passions and causes that are worthy of your efforts or at the very least, the next step in your personal evolution and forward progress.
In other words, life isn’t about finding yourself, life is about making yourself!
Watch this amazing presentation by Dr. Cal Newport to better understand this concept.
there are infinite possibilities and you don’t know how great life can be if you don’t move forward, in any direction and get to know what you don’t know.
As men, we deal with life on a level that the women in our lives will never understand and that’s ok.
We feel the weight of the world on our shoulders, not just to pay bills but we feel a deep sense of responsibility for the direction of all of mankind.
Men have built the modern world, men have taken us from hunter-gatherers dwelling in caves to going to the moon and being able to communicate in real time with anyone on the planet.
We as men have a great responsibility to be the best versions of ourselves as we can be and positively impact the lives of as many other people as we can before we die.
I believe that this deep phycological need to make ourselves useful is what pushes the human race forward.
Maybe it was put there by an intelligent creator or by evolution, it doesn’t really matter because either way its there.
To ignore it, or be so overwhelmed by it we fail to take action, to learn, grow and contribute is the cause of our depression and self-loathing.
So to overcome your depression and like yourself again you must stop trying to “find yourself” and take immediate action-no matter how small- and start to “make yourself”.
it doesn’t take any glorious achievement, riches or recognition from others, to be happy today.
Happiness for a man means progress. A little progress every day and when we do that the rewards like money, social status, respect, and happyness will come as a natural byproduct of taking consistant action and making yourself.